It was during the grieving process that I learned how to take care of myself. It became a matter of survival. I’m a people-pleaser by nature, but here’s what I discovered. Though this quality can make you a popular person, the down side is that you tend to neglect your own needs. As with most of our faults, we’re blindsided by what we can’t see. Such was my case. In addition, I had a very bad habit of denial, sweeping problems under the rug so I wouldn’t have to deal with any painful truths. I despise confrontation, yet there are times when it’s unavoidable if you want to survive your circumstances.
Once I awoke from a deep fog of grieving the loss of my parents and the many family confrontations triggered from their passing, I saw all of my relationships with a newly found, keen discernment. One thing for sure, I was weary of people pleasing for the sake of acceptance and popularity. I realized that if the basis of our friendship was due to my people pleasing persona, the relationship wasn’t going to withstand the hard times.
Each and every one of my relationships went through a filtering process so I could determine which friendships were genuine and which were only due to my ability to help them in some way. I had to ask myself, “How many of my friends would stick their neck out for me?” My truth was a harsh setback. Not all of my friends are happy when I do well and some are secretly glad when I fail. I’m not sure I would have ever seen the difference if I hadn’t gone through my deep valley of grief but today I’m stronger and more grateful for the true friends in my life.
JaLynn West